cows in keep contain their creep
not so for heart nor dandelion’s weep
whose appetites incite her seek
beyond Descartes beyond Belgique
for know for O for spirituous Pernod
like neap will lap in restive leap
delinquent reach in want’s endow
a wayward pant not held by fences apropos
as air her prayer concessionaire will travel plume
assume entreat past comfort’s gate discreet
where longing’s siren lo incant
betrayal’s muse seduction’s rant
delivers daisy innocent
beyond abiding’s commandant
leads fondness to errant
betrayed by careless ache mistake
by yearning’s wake vivant and taunt
indelicate avant.
3.23.2011
3.16.2011
grading's brink
where grading's brink requires think
reprieve in om may better prodigy en sync
enlighten dome embellish tome and sprite
engender light where droll écoles hitherto cajole
reprieve in om may better prodigy en sync
enlighten dome embellish tome and sprite
engender light where droll écoles hitherto cajole
3.14.2011
on shifting ground beneath cognition and memory
SUPPOSITION: Not fully articulate, there is meaning in the balance made by two seemingly opposed parts of my psyche: one which adores, embraces, relishes in language, words, verbal expression of meaning; and the other which cannot find nor hold words and meaning together, which readily loses keys and the name for keys, and any time, event, or intent relevant to keys. I do not lose the meaning of keys, which I’m told is key, so there is reassurance there. But names and time and intent slide achingly far from reach. Recent years see shifting ground beneath cognition and memory, rendering words less available, less functional. Rendering words less critical and most critical at once. Perfect duality. Perfect, too, my affection for the elegance and economy viable in poetry.
OBSERVATION: Information no longer goes in the same way it used to, nor settles nor stays where it lands. Observation through last ten years has displayed a disquieting journey. Faulty memory too bears faulty engineering — discovery process forged by happenstance and epiphany more than calculation and intent. Past trauma in my psychology, loss and struggle cast expansive span, affecting self-esteem, social comfort, professional identity, perception/delivery of competence, relationship/partner choices, future-planning, effective reasoning on existential meaning. Evidence diminished application, not brain activity.
DISCUSSION: Losing language, though quite useful in spiritual training — spiritual reasoning on existential meaning — is less useful it seems in practice of acquiring knowledge. But survival encourages seeking plausible means, finding avenues less academic and more vibrational in method. Ultimately means imploring non-verbal to expand the depth of perception / reception. For acquiring and retaining knowledge, exploring paths distinguished less through words and more through intuition. [Starting to look like spiritual practice….] Aside not lost on me: paradox implicit in using words to communicate inability to use words.
Empirical observation reveals another paradox: the Act of Trying to remember actually ensures inability. No quantum mass of earnest, no diligence of effort, nor kindness of heart, nor past scholarship charms Lucid from the endless white abyss of Trying. Repeated demonstration conclusively reveals: articulation never found in Effort. Instead finds sweat, humiliation, doubt, exhaustion, panic, sting, and evermore white abyss. Trying, then, my surest path to suffering.
CONCLUSION: Relief demands learning acceptance and detachment from wanting, requires spiritual practice [!] of Not Trying. And as long as the only way out is through, functional survival requires finding alternate paths to intellectual memory, alternate means to process information, alternate manner for learning, alternate facilities for acquiring and retrieving knowledge. Just as blindness inspires auditory superiority, one cognitive loss inspires me to keen another. Ultimately encouraged to explore an expanded definition of memory; provoked to learn reliance on cellular, emotional, and spiritual intelligence for articulation. More duality presents. Loss = Gain. Same coin, two sides. Cause = Resolution.
OBSERVATION: Information no longer goes in the same way it used to, nor settles nor stays where it lands. Observation through last ten years has displayed a disquieting journey. Faulty memory too bears faulty engineering — discovery process forged by happenstance and epiphany more than calculation and intent. Past trauma in my psychology, loss and struggle cast expansive span, affecting self-esteem, social comfort, professional identity, perception/delivery of competence, relationship/partner choices, future-planning, effective reasoning on existential meaning. Evidence diminished application, not brain activity.
DISCUSSION: Losing language, though quite useful in spiritual training — spiritual reasoning on existential meaning — is less useful it seems in practice of acquiring knowledge. But survival encourages seeking plausible means, finding avenues less academic and more vibrational in method. Ultimately means imploring non-verbal to expand the depth of perception / reception. For acquiring and retaining knowledge, exploring paths distinguished less through words and more through intuition. [Starting to look like spiritual practice….] Aside not lost on me: paradox implicit in using words to communicate inability to use words.
Empirical observation reveals another paradox: the Act of Trying to remember actually ensures inability. No quantum mass of earnest, no diligence of effort, nor kindness of heart, nor past scholarship charms Lucid from the endless white abyss of Trying. Repeated demonstration conclusively reveals: articulation never found in Effort. Instead finds sweat, humiliation, doubt, exhaustion, panic, sting, and evermore white abyss. Trying, then, my surest path to suffering.
CONCLUSION: Relief demands learning acceptance and detachment from wanting, requires spiritual practice [!] of Not Trying. And as long as the only way out is through, functional survival requires finding alternate paths to intellectual memory, alternate means to process information, alternate manner for learning, alternate facilities for acquiring and retrieving knowledge. Just as blindness inspires auditory superiority, one cognitive loss inspires me to keen another. Ultimately encouraged to explore an expanded definition of memory; provoked to learn reliance on cellular, emotional, and spiritual intelligence for articulation. More duality presents. Loss = Gain. Same coin, two sides. Cause = Resolution.
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