i won't remember

i won't remember asking
but i am
asking

if you call
and i am still awake
not numb or

numbly
simulating
afterlife

i would curl
against
your careful measured
care

pretending
it is enough

graduation

who are we this class 3 APR plus 11?
we who made it this far, labored 24/7
persevered thru these months
only nine, though seemed longer
which like many gestation
birthed us all the more stronger

who are we so soon to be graduates and honorees?
and massage devotees? erin? danny? how can this be?
some might ponder indeed, wasn’t it just yesterdee
she was “Little Adi” bounced on zadie’s knee?
and after all that esprit with the other degree?
could you ever foresee joe’d make licensed MT?  [Yippee!]

some might have even thought: massage, how hard can it be?
bet the 20 who dropped might have some disagree
yes, from three times our number, we distilled to fourteen
those who stayed made like family, on each other to lean
for support and encouragement, then thru grit and routine
we kicked thru andrew’s average, and busted tom’s mean.

persevered thru these months despite teachers’ lamenting
as they bore through our questions, our kvetching, and venting
bore our questions and comments, our issues, concerns
sure that light, slow, and soft we’d eventually learn

and no matter our hounding, andrew always most gentle
“that’s an excellent question” — never harsh or judgmental
regardless our dimness, his patience gone bleary
tom waxed with endearment on muscular theory

janice suffered our raucous, kerry weathered our woes
martha braved our audacious, saskia humored our lows
— and our prudish american fondness for clothes!

if our post-it note stickiness wouldn’t adhere
todd calmly’d offer to demo — and chad’d volunteer
if our make-nice was lacking, our alignment a mess
count on jeff for a pin and a friction redress

teachers happy to school us with tales from the past
passing on all their prowess, hoping some thing might last
all agreed if one wisdom was all we amass
remember always to always stay clear the crevasse!

and we made it this far, pushing past all the measures
citing overachievment our preferred form of leisure
mixing loving and fun, controversial, amusing,
to make curious lot, some might find it confusing
that creatures of habit, rarely changing our seats
also practiced such warmth and compassionate feats
in the face of each others’ unexpected defeats
someone there with a kindness, or at least lotion and sheets

here we sit — becky, suwanna, daniela, and tania,
jenn and laura — no, linda — always mixed-up compañas
missing zander and alev out taming the sky
taking lessons precocious to hilltops nearby

[now it’s we]
taking lessons, and friendships, intention and such
to careers full of promise, and dreams we can touch

past new year's glimmering coup

with warmth and care
to swaddle through
with sprinkled wonder
kindness too
to hold your heart
in hopeful hue
beyond ensuing weary woo
of winter's pending roux

may love's endear
envelope blue
to carry promise'
palmar view
toward brilliant spring
obliged in queue
assured en route
intent — it's true
past midnight's ballyhoo
and new year's glimmering coup
(mon dieu!)
to bring bright wishes due

to you.

indication

beyond mere brood disordered mood
depression pains obtains the reins
sustains in million numbers tolled
of persons young and old

propensity defined:
toward downward bend inclined,
a neuro-chem append, genetic trend,
eventful trigger’s tend that will not mend in time

severity may range
from affable to strange
inciting notice, fend, or dote
to restore buoyancy to float
droll may well be spirited away
by ambient crème broulee
or certain cabernet, but may — unfortunate to say
— oblige parlay without delay
for hospital stay

attribute? undisclosed
though studies measured show
in chemical tableau
seratonin may be low,
or hormones too, although
impractical to know
which micro-balance is in woe

cortisol, progesterone,
or dopamine won’t hold its own?
endorphins whacked?
hippocampus lax?
something amuss
in hypothalamus?
or — trended in calculus
not rendered innocuous —
adrenal-pituitary axis is vacuous

though much to gain from talk profane
from chem adjust in meds we trust
for treatment robust touch must too be discussed

known massage can reprieve agitation, fatigue,

insomnia, headache, reduced interest in cake
even symptoms like sadness can lose their intransigence

chronic pain may decrease and emotions release

deep relaxation ensue, increased energy too

with all said, done, and mused

really — nothing to lose

notes on circumstance

NOTES on Iranian filmmaker Maryan Keshavarz's new film, Circumstance:

Beautiful and important film. Rare view into the delicate, rich interior between two Iranian girls navigating the intimate complexities of their changing friendship, sexuality, love, and relationship in family, and the world. Exquisitely deliberates the deep casualty of non-free society — repressing the freedom to love. Sensual, dense, gorgeous, provocative, and sexy at its best.

consider movement

consider movement — gesture goal
for shift or bend in skeleton or soul
impetuous yen now or then
for flexion deep extension bold
for arch or sway or deviate display
you ponder, say: what fiber to engage?
what axon to cajole?

consider muscle tone alone
lying side, supine, or prone
for posture to intone and hold its own
— for what reason? still unknown —
query poem: what cell, fascicle or bone
(agonistic? antagon?)
needs innervate or hone?

and what if temperature or heat
needs generation beat discrete
teetered hemeostat effete
registers fahrenheit retreat
in need of boost or ATP
for shiver to entreat, do you tweet:
“achtung, actin! myosin bind! contract! repeat?”

no. how indiscrete.

for prime to move well out of oxygen debt
for synapse to cleft a nerve transmitter’s bet
for filament slide to parry mysium’s feint
for reticulum’s pride to tend motor end’s plate 
for vessel to vesicle calcium’s shift
neuromuscular junction to function not drift
consider thrift? synergistic assist —
— at the wrist?

to move tissue and bone
maintain sure muscle tone
precipitate heat from the head to the feet
(du pied à la tête, si jamais vous parlez….)
to purvey a sashay, should occasion convey
or present —

with neurologic consent
and no gods’ circumvent
heart aligned and not bent
(beyond reasoned lament)

consider intent.

cows in keep

cows in keep contain their creep 

not so for heart nor dandelion’s weep

whose appetites incite her seek 

beyond Descartes beyond Belgique  

for know for O for spirituous Pernod 

like neap will lap in restive leap 

delinquent reach in want’s endow 

a wayward pant not held by fences apropos
 
as air her prayer concessionaire will travel plume 

assume entreat past comfort’s gate discreet 

where longing’s siren lo incant 

betrayal’s muse seduction’s rant
delivers daisy innocent

beyond abiding’s commandant 

leads fondness to errant 

betrayed by careless ache mistake 

by yearning’s wake vivant and taunt
indelicate avant.