where grading's brink requires think
reprieve in om may better prodigy en sync
enlighten dome embellish tome and sprite
engender light where droll écoles hitherto cajole
3.16.2011
3.14.2011
on shifting ground beneath cognition and memory
SUPPOSITION: Not fully articulate, there is meaning in the balance made by two seemingly opposed parts of my psyche: one which adores, embraces, relishes in language, words, verbal expression of meaning; and the other which cannot find nor hold words and meaning together, which readily loses keys and the name for keys, and any time, event, or intent relevant to keys. I do not lose the meaning of keys, which I’m told is key, so there is reassurance there. But names and time and intent slide achingly far from reach. Recent years see shifting ground beneath cognition and memory, rendering words less available, less functional. Rendering words less critical and most critical at once. Perfect duality. Perfect, too, my affection for the elegance and economy viable in poetry.
OBSERVATION: Information no longer goes in the same way it used to, nor settles nor stays where it lands. Observation through last ten years has displayed a disquieting journey. Faulty memory too bears faulty engineering — discovery process forged by happenstance and epiphany more than calculation and intent. Past trauma in my psychology, loss and struggle cast expansive span, affecting self-esteem, social comfort, professional identity, perception/delivery of competence, relationship/partner choices, future-planning, effective reasoning on existential meaning. Evidence diminished application, not brain activity.
DISCUSSION: Losing language, though quite useful in spiritual training — spiritual reasoning on existential meaning — is less useful it seems in practice of acquiring knowledge. But survival encourages seeking plausible means, finding avenues less academic and more vibrational in method. Ultimately means imploring non-verbal to expand the depth of perception / reception. For acquiring and retaining knowledge, exploring paths distinguished less through words and more through intuition. [Starting to look like spiritual practice….] Aside not lost on me: paradox implicit in using words to communicate inability to use words.
Empirical observation reveals another paradox: the Act of Trying to remember actually ensures inability. No quantum mass of earnest, no diligence of effort, nor kindness of heart, nor past scholarship charms Lucid from the endless white abyss of Trying. Repeated demonstration conclusively reveals: articulation never found in Effort. Instead finds sweat, humiliation, doubt, exhaustion, panic, sting, and evermore white abyss. Trying, then, my surest path to suffering.
CONCLUSION: Relief demands learning acceptance and detachment from wanting, requires spiritual practice [!] of Not Trying. And as long as the only way out is through, functional survival requires finding alternate paths to intellectual memory, alternate means to process information, alternate manner for learning, alternate facilities for acquiring and retrieving knowledge. Just as blindness inspires auditory superiority, one cognitive loss inspires me to keen another. Ultimately encouraged to explore an expanded definition of memory; provoked to learn reliance on cellular, emotional, and spiritual intelligence for articulation. More duality presents. Loss = Gain. Same coin, two sides. Cause = Resolution.
OBSERVATION: Information no longer goes in the same way it used to, nor settles nor stays where it lands. Observation through last ten years has displayed a disquieting journey. Faulty memory too bears faulty engineering — discovery process forged by happenstance and epiphany more than calculation and intent. Past trauma in my psychology, loss and struggle cast expansive span, affecting self-esteem, social comfort, professional identity, perception/delivery of competence, relationship/partner choices, future-planning, effective reasoning on existential meaning. Evidence diminished application, not brain activity.
DISCUSSION: Losing language, though quite useful in spiritual training — spiritual reasoning on existential meaning — is less useful it seems in practice of acquiring knowledge. But survival encourages seeking plausible means, finding avenues less academic and more vibrational in method. Ultimately means imploring non-verbal to expand the depth of perception / reception. For acquiring and retaining knowledge, exploring paths distinguished less through words and more through intuition. [Starting to look like spiritual practice….] Aside not lost on me: paradox implicit in using words to communicate inability to use words.
Empirical observation reveals another paradox: the Act of Trying to remember actually ensures inability. No quantum mass of earnest, no diligence of effort, nor kindness of heart, nor past scholarship charms Lucid from the endless white abyss of Trying. Repeated demonstration conclusively reveals: articulation never found in Effort. Instead finds sweat, humiliation, doubt, exhaustion, panic, sting, and evermore white abyss. Trying, then, my surest path to suffering.
CONCLUSION: Relief demands learning acceptance and detachment from wanting, requires spiritual practice [!] of Not Trying. And as long as the only way out is through, functional survival requires finding alternate paths to intellectual memory, alternate means to process information, alternate manner for learning, alternate facilities for acquiring and retrieving knowledge. Just as blindness inspires auditory superiority, one cognitive loss inspires me to keen another. Ultimately encouraged to explore an expanded definition of memory; provoked to learn reliance on cellular, emotional, and spiritual intelligence for articulation. More duality presents. Loss = Gain. Same coin, two sides. Cause = Resolution.
2.28.2011
monday polemic
Did anyone stay up to watch the Oscars last night? I intended to, and tried, but the show was so boring, I finally followed my tiredness to bed about 10:00. The intensity of the hype is ultimately so ridiculous compared to what the show actually delivers; amazing my feeble brain doesn't remember it year after year. Got mindlessly sucked into the anticipation, tricked into thinking that all the "new technology" had something meaningful to enhance my life. It did not. Ah, the ruse of marketing. Had I a less-fallible brain or a more well-developed intuition, I would have clairvoyantly known to avoid the whole thing.
But — c'est la vie, as we Americans who know no French like to say. What attempted to pass as an unprecedented interactive experience was actually mere pander to the now-prevalent biologic aberration: the fractionalized attention span. Dozens of cams offered presumed exclusive views into the experience — fan cam, fashion cam, announcer cam, famous faces cam, 360 skyview cam, paparazzi cam, host cam, 360 grand stair cam, thank you cam, backstage cam, control booth cam, winners' photo cam, on and on and on.... My faves were the shameless "champagne cam" and "lobby bar cam" encouraging you to keep track of who was drinking what. Reality is, was just one experience chopped up into meaningless, unrecognizable bits called "options." (Read Barry Schwartz' The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less) Anyway, I eventually "woke" from the snorefest and chose the time-tested more productive dreamland.
But — c'est la vie, as we Americans who know no French like to say. What attempted to pass as an unprecedented interactive experience was actually mere pander to the now-prevalent biologic aberration: the fractionalized attention span. Dozens of cams offered presumed exclusive views into the experience — fan cam, fashion cam, announcer cam, famous faces cam, 360 skyview cam, paparazzi cam, host cam, 360 grand stair cam, thank you cam, backstage cam, control booth cam, winners' photo cam, on and on and on.... My faves were the shameless "champagne cam" and "lobby bar cam" encouraging you to keep track of who was drinking what. Reality is, was just one experience chopped up into meaningless, unrecognizable bits called "options." (Read Barry Schwartz' The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less) Anyway, I eventually "woke" from the snorefest and chose the time-tested more productive dreamland.
12.31.2010
joie debut
Piano tuner due
A’loll with morning brew
Home sparkle nearly through
For New Year's joie debut.
A’loll with morning brew
Home sparkle nearly through
For New Year's joie debut.
12.29.2010
taking ten
Taking ten and tender break from hopeful home assembly serial sleepless nights for rest and respite late with coffee righting reading Stan Getz sunshine shepherding contentment tending interlude to wondering weary wake.
With 40 due plus likely 8 this week's a measured scramble toward Sunday 2nd finish. Three nights running I am 3 a.m. awake till 5 or so with quiet riot writing wandering wondering rooms each shimmer christmas lights their sparkle nearly polished ready soon for show. From chaos wreck a peak of lovely starts her slow reveal each brilliance hinting happy soon with friendly filling. Delightful elegance to feel her mettle best when shared enjoyed embraced. Each room near twinkling live with imminent embracing due.
With 40 due plus likely 8 this week's a measured scramble toward Sunday 2nd finish. Three nights running I am 3 a.m. awake till 5 or so with quiet riot writing wandering wondering rooms each shimmer christmas lights their sparkle nearly polished ready soon for show. From chaos wreck a peak of lovely starts her slow reveal each brilliance hinting happy soon with friendly filling. Delightful elegance to feel her mettle best when shared enjoyed embraced. Each room near twinkling live with imminent embracing due.
12.24.2010
who sprinkles dreams
who plants the thought-seeds in the night,
careful sprouts by waking,
tender shoots by light?
who sprinkles dreams with fertile-dust
to germinate by dawn
creation's tidy lust?
who pushes up the life from non-
through belly, heart,
to voice — beyond?
with stillness and the moon the sparks
to stir idea's beginnings in the dark
they send her reaching restive toward the day
toward notion's petal
and inkling's burgeon-play.
careful sprouts by waking,
tender shoots by light?
who sprinkles dreams with fertile-dust
to germinate by dawn
creation's tidy lust?
who pushes up the life from non-
through belly, heart,
to voice — beyond?
with stillness and the moon the sparks
to stir idea's beginnings in the dark
they send her reaching restive toward the day
toward notion's petal
and inkling's burgeon-play.
12.13.2010
chandelier pink is IN
Despite skeptical winces from all well-meaning design counsel, I am thrilled to have my Aunt Ruthie’s chandelier position prominent in my post-renovation home. Of course I'd rather have my Aunt Ruthie, but grateful regardless for surround of her memory and things. Post cleaning, rewiring, globe re-gluing, and stem-cutting, this Victorian gem is now secured with distinction, readily inspiring flushed heart and widened smile whenever periphery catches a delightful glimpse. And how clever of Pantone to have enlisted her posthumous counsel to pick its 2011 Color of the Year — Chandelier Pink! (http://www.pantone.com/pages/pantone/Pantone.aspx?pg=20821&ca=4) Savvy as she was, I am certain it was Ruthie who advised the name “Honeysuckle,” whole-heartedly endorsing its marketing advantage over Chandelier Pink.
Those who knew her will grasp the serendipity on another level. Always a trendsetter, Ruthie’s style was undeniable — confident, elegant, exceptional — admired by us all. To us is no surprise to find her brilliance still in influence so far beyond her death.
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